The hot coals of resentment

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." ~Buddha

Why do we get angry? Anger stems from being hurt.  Being hurt can be the result of many things.  Many times it is due to the words or actions of another. 

Have you ever done something or said something that was interpreted by someone to be completely different than what you had intended?  Has anyone ever been hurt by something you said or did, and whatever you said or did to cause the hurt was completely not intended?

The problem is this – we expect others to judge us based on our intentions.  We fully expect others to be able to read our minds, and accurately interpret exactly what we meant when we performed a particular action or said something.  In reality, people don’t do this.  While we want to be judged based on our intentions, people usually judge based on the actions of another person (with their own interpretation).  Sometimes when the actions are misinterpreted, people get their feelings hurt as a result.  When they get hurt, then they get angry.  When they get angry, it paves the road to resentment.

The next time someone does something or says something that hurts you a little bit, remember to give the other person the benefit of the doubt.  Perhaps what they said or did was not intended to hurt you.  You could always be a bit brave and tell them how it made you feel, and if you do, just remember to be matter-of-fact about it, and to keep emotion out of it.  Usually, when someone steps up and is honest about how they feel, a great dialogue results, and the misunderstanding is cleared up.

I challenge you to choose to give others the benefit of the doubt, especially when you feel that you have been hurt.  Chances are that the intention was not to cause harm; rather, you may have just been caught in the crosshairs of misinterpretation.

Have a great day!

-Victor