I want you to think about all of the things you have control over, and all of the things that you cannot control. If you focus on the things that you can do -- your ability to solve your own problems, the sense of empowerment that results will make you feel largely in control of your destiny.
Another way of looking at this concept is to view it as the act of being proactive. By thinking about the things that you can do to solve potential problems, you can avoid potential negative situations. Steven Covey talks about this in his "7 Habits..." book that I have mentioned before. Here's a concept that he shared. It's the concept of the "circle of infulence" verusus the "circle of concern." Here's what the circles look like:
The circle of concern represents the things you can't control. The circle of influence represents the things you can control in your life. Covey suggests being proactive to make the circle of influence larger.
For example, you can't control what people say about you when you're not around, but you can establish positive working relationships with your colleagues, so they have a favorable impression and a positive working history with you.
If someone chooses to say bad things about you behind your back to those people with whom you have demonstrated sound professionalism and positive working relations, your being proactive in establishing those working relationships with others has a better potential to impact their perception of the negative comments.
In other words, if someone thinks highly of you, they will be less likely to believe the back biter. In this case, by taking care of your interpersonal relationships, you are being proactive, and expanding your circle of influence.
Work on blowing up that circle. Size does matter!
Best wishes,
Victor
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