Where do you tie up your goat?

Zig Ziglar once said, "No one can get your goat if they don’t know where it’s tied up."

That pretty much sums it up.  Some people try to "push our buttons" to see how we will react, or to try to antagonize us into arguing a point, or making us defend ourselves when defense is not necessary.

James Lehman, creator of The Total Transformation System, says "You don't have to attend every fight you're invited to."  So fitting.  If someone lacks the ability to effectively solve their problems, they may resort to ineffective behaviors such as blaming others, playing the victim role, or acting out, when they are confronted on an issue either by you or by a group of people.

As a result, you may be pulled into the mix, where you may feel unfairly blamed or accused of something, and if you're not prepared, you may be "fighting" for your credibility in front of others, resorting to trying to defend yourself, or arguing your case.

Always be prepared to be invited to a scuffle in tenuous interpersonal communications.  Always try to keep a calm demeanor, and always be prepared to tell the "fighter" you're sorry that they feel that way, and express your willingness to discuss the matter at a later time.  It's very important that you remind them that the issue is not where they are going with the blaming, acting out, or any other ineffective behavior.  Instead, redirect their attention to the original topic, and focus on the behaviors that are leading to the problem.

This technique, when used effectively, preserves your credibility and doesn't let on to others what "gets your goat," or "pushes your buttons."  The more you convey a steady demeanor, the more respected you are by your colleagues, and the less likely people will target you with a desire to drag you into the ring for a fight.

Best wishes,

Victor