Use Q-tips to reduce the pain

When we find ourselves dealing with a negative interpersonal situation, especially when someone else does something that causes us to feel hurt, it's easy to let emotions such as resentment and anger set in.  Usually, when this occurs, the situation doesn't get better, and it can escalate into something much bigger and worse than the original trigger, and it can linger for a long time.

A few years ago, I learned a quick phrase to run through your head whenever something goes wrong and you start to feel hurt from a negative experience.  It's called "Q-TIP."  It stands for "Quit Taking It Personally."  This works for personal as well as professional relationships.

When someone does something that you view as hurtful, always focus on the actions of an individual.  Instead of saying, "Bob is a jerk," where you are clearly attaching an emotional label to a person, try saying something like, "Bob's aggressive tone and behavior is interfering with communications on our team."  By taking focus off of the individual, it de-personalizes the situation, and it helps remove the emotions that usually associate themselves with any negative interaction and lead to ineffective problem-solving strategies.

By focusing on actions, rather than people, you can then move into a positive problem-solving mode.  You can then look past any negative feelings, and be in a much better position to address the actions that are causing problems and work to eliminate them in the future.

By focusing on actions and behaviors, rather than individuals, potential causes of interpersonal conflicts are reduced to "things" that can be addressed and fixed.  Instead of letting things get personal, where deep emotional rifts can develop into resentful feelings that can resurface years down the road, you can focus on fixing problems.  When actions are addressed, quick resolutions usually follow, and everyone feels better afterward.

Have a great day!

Best wishes,

Victor