The "deadly sin" of email

I spoke with a young lady recently who was frustrated after receiving an email from a colleague.  The tone of the email she had received seemed “bossy,” as if specifically directed to put this young woman in her place.  Wisely, even though she reacted emotionally after receiving the email, she didn’t respond to it immediately.

 Always give yourself time to calm down and collect your senses before returning any email.  I recommend “sleeping on it,” before sending anything, so that your mind has time to calm down emotionally.  If you absolutely can’t help but start writing right away for fear that your mind won’t let the situation rest until you actively do something, open up your word processing program and start typing there.  Many times, your emotional venting will play itself out on the page.  When you come back to your document the next day, you will be glad you didn’t send that emotional response back immediately.

We discussed the situation, and we decided that it would be best to not send any email response at all, but to talk to this person and discuss the situation face to face.  Emails can be very misleading, in that it is very difficult to capture the emotions and intentions of the sender, and unless you read, re-read, and re-read your email, you can end up communicating something entirely different than you had intended.

“Any problem, big or small, within a family, always seems to start with bad communication.  Someone isn’t listening.” ~Emma Thompson

Remember – always give someone the benefit of the doubt when communicating electronically.  If you are ever confused about the message being conveyed, don’t commit the "deadly sin" of email, which is to retaliate with an immediate emotional response.  Just as you may have misinterpreted the communication of someone else, they may also put their own interpretation on your emotional response.  Things just get ugly then.

“You can’t shake hands with a clenched fist.” ~Indira Ghandi

It is far better to get up and take a walk down to talk to this person directly, face to face, or at least pick up the phone to discuss the situation.  More than nine times out of ten, if you choose this way of responding to any emailed communication, the outcome will be very positive.

While electronic communication has its benefits, the drawbacks can cause potential harm due to misunderstandings.  Remember that responding to aggression with aggression rarely ever results in a positive outcome, especially between friends or colleagues.

Best wishes,

-Victor