Remember your rights!

Some conflicts that arise in the workplace come from negative emotions stemming from difficult encounters with colleagues.  There are different ways that we can conduct ourselves, as we interact with others we deal with on a daily basis.  Those different approaches are as follows:

1. Passive
2. Aggressive
3. Passive-Aggressive
4. Assertive

Assertive individuals respect other people's rights, while simultaneously maintaining their own rights.  This approach can help diffuse people who are acting aggressively or passive-aggressively, and assertive behavior can also motivate people who are acting passively to move into action.


Dr. Manuel J. Smith, author of the book When I Say No, I Feel Guilty, provides an assertive bill of rights that we need to be mindful of when we deal with others in an assertive way.  Those rights are as follows:

1. You have the right to judge your own behavior, thoughts, and emotions, and to take the responsibility for their initiation and consequences upon yourself.
2. You have the right to offer no reasons or excuses for justifying your behavior.
3. You have the right to judge whether you are responsible for finding solutions to other people's problems.
4. You have the right to change your mind.
5. You have the right to make mistakes - and be responsible for them.
6. You have the right to say, "I don't know."
7. You have the right to be independent of the goodwill of others before coping with them.
8. You have the right to be illogical in making decisions.
9. You have the right to say, "I don't understand."
10. You have the right to say, "I don't care."

Bear in mind, also, that the people you deal with on a daily basis also have these same rights, and you need to respect them as well.  If you allow someone else's rights to impede on your rights, then you are behaving in a passive way (your happiness is more important than mine).  If you allow your rights to impede on others' rights, then you are behaving in an agressive way (my happiness is more important than yours).  People working in a passive-agressive mode are in a different category, but that's a discussion for another day.

So, be mindful of the fact that you do have rights, and also remember others have rights too.  If you are mindful of this, you will find that your interactions with others will be much more productive, positive, honest, and enjoyable.  You will earn respect from your colleagues, as they know that you are a respectful co-worker, who always treats others well.

Best wishes,

Victor